Life the Paranoia, We The Suicidal: Move On

There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest — whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories — comes afterward. – Albert Camus

Have you ever been in a situation where the end was inevitable, and the beginning was unforeseen? I would venture to guess that you have since this statement is the rhetorical equivalent to what just so happens to be your life. No one has ever known that they were going to live, but everyone, once alive must come to grips with the fact that they will die. This is common sense. There isn’t any philosophy that needs to be equipped with that statement and whoever attempted to be genius while making the claim, “Everyone dies,” has discovered something remedial.

So then we move on: Have you ever been in this situation and felt an unceasing ailing to discover what to do with the time in-between the unforeseen beginning and the inevitable ending? I cannot say if everyone has asked this weighted question, “What to do with my life?” But I can say that if you have you have probably felt a sense of paranoia or hysteria in the face of everything that is unknown, uncontrollable, and unstoppable. This paranoia has occasionally caused you to wake up with a fierce rush of adrenaline, a fueled fire of enmity against purposelessness, and a Godly, earth-shattering desire to achieve. Or, this paranoia has caused you to crumble with Babylonian might to solid and shameful depths only leading to a larger fanaticism and discomfort with that inevitable ending that prowls like a shadow above you. Or, this paranoia has caused you apathy, and you have screamed with unwavering tenacity that modern carpe diem (YOLO) under dying disco lights with bottle after bottle of liquid hopelessness pressed upon your lips. Of course, life is not a trilemma. But, life is indeed a paranoia. Face-to-face with this paranoia one will be under a spectrum of passions ranging from moral to immoral to anti-moral and these passions will guide your choice. And, the antithesis of free will claims will reign heavy as we must note that, regardless if you wish to make a choice, you must; because free will does not include the will to choose to not to have free will. Because even the decision of inactivity is still a decision nonetheless.

So you must move on: Have you ever been under the pressure of this paranoia, weaving day-in-and-day-out between these three main courses of actions due to this unforeseen beginning and this inevitable ending? It is a weighty battle emerging now. It is the battle of decision. This is the basis of our limited free will. Decision. We cannot choose the options. We cannot choose the consequence. We cannot choose to not choose. We must choose. Then, what is the best option from the trilemma? It is not for me to say. A life of incessantly circuiting effort may drain you beyond normal measures; you may become a slave to your ambitious. In the event that you may fail, your efforts may result in an Icarus-esque fall to depression. In the event that you may succeed, you may notice that you are not satisfied with success and are truly driven by the infinite climb of becoming an idol. Or, you may find happiness. A life of stagnation may bring you pleasing security; you may find that there is nothing more eloquent then what Maslow considered to be the second most crucial aspect of all things leading to self-actualization. But, if purposelessness begins to sink into your head, and parasitically to your heart, there is nothing keeping you from discovering that being alone with your mind is sometimes as dangerous as being among the masses. But I hope, if you choose this that you may find happiness. A life of dispassion and carelessness may bring you the rush of the ambitious life and the security (from your avoidance of the daunting aspect that is love) of the stagnant one. But, it is also the catalyst from a fall of the highest kind when your paradise is lost, and the bottles disappear and you are left alone with the inner and external virus of reality. You will feel the lowest lows from the highest highs, and the loneliest alones from the most crowded moments. Or, you may find happiness.

So you must move on. I suggest experimenting. Life should not be a trilemma. It will always be a trembling and a shaking, an eternal fright, but it is what we grow to love that becomes a Sun in the darkest vacuum of existence. It will always be a paranoia, a fearful and dreaded wait for an irreplaceable end, and we can learn to love or live in apathy. But, we must always move on.

R.I.P. to my good friends and people David Arthur, Wave, and Kasey Phipps


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